Anniversaries are the bestest.

July 8th 2010.

  This time last year, I was having major issues, with.. Myself, and my family, and just my life in general. I was at a weak point, and though I had somebody who should have made me completely happy, I was very weak, and stupid. I felt trapped in life, and did not know how to cope with that feeling, and the resentment I had toward everyone including myself, overflowed and the self hatred I had was too much to handle. I made what was the biggest mistake of my life so far, and though I do regret it, with ever fiber of my being, I am also just as thankful for doing it, because it really opened my eyes and just over a year later, I'm stronger for it. I'm so not saying that people should go out and do dumb shit just to have their eyes opened to their numerous faults, and learn how to deal with it from there. Life is hard, and filled with times of sorrow, but with every sad moment there follows ten happy ones. I have wanted to give up so many times, but I convince myself that to give up, is the most weak and selfish thing I could ever possibly do. Thankfully I have had friends to convince me of that too, in very blunt ways I might add. And when threatened with a loss far greater than that of your own life, you really start to smarten up and think about shit more clearly. I almost lost several of my friends, because of the dumbass things I was doing. And almost lost the regard my dad had for me. When things like that happen, you start asking yourself, is this worth losing such amazing people for? And more often than not, the answer is going to be no. I've messed up over and over, and I can't go back and change things, nor would I want to if given the chance because it has made me stronger and smarter. I'm always going to make mistakes, but that's what life is about, making choices whether they're wrong or right, and making mistakes so you can learn from them. It helps you to grow, and really what would life be if you didn't make mistakes to help you grow? I have learned over the past year how to handle most things, and like to think I have become stronger, god knows I've been tested enough since a year ago. I've had a few slip ups, but the difference is, last year I was just miserable no matter what, I wanted to be dead, but was afraid of it. Now, though stressed a majority of the time, I am content, and I do not want to be dead. I like to believe that in the end things will turn out alright. I believe life is beautiful as a whole, just happens to have some horrible situations. People I love and who love me, make my life worth living and makes everything more tolerable.