.January 16th 2010.
Well, January is half way over. It's going by slowly, whereas every month in 2009 flew by. But I mean, though it seems like it should be February already, (to me), it also feels like just yesterday that I was getting ready to celebrate the New Year. Dressing up, and just being totally excited and anxious for 2009 to end. Or maybe I just really wanted December to be over with. It was by far the most dramatic month I've ever experienced, and that doesn't even explain the half of it. "Dramatic"= total understatement. It was by far the most stressful four weeks of my life, for many different reasons. And I was really happy New Year's Eve, that maybe all of the bad shit in my life would leave with the year. That just maybe 2010 would be a year I'll be able to look back on, a year from now, as one of the best years of my life and nothing in comparison to the year before it. I rang in the new year, happily. Sure I was drunk off my ass, but dammit I was HAPPY (and not because of said drunkeness.) I was happy because I was actually thinking positively, and looking toward the new year with total optimism, kinda like how a baby enters the world. They don't see anything bad. They're unaware of all things, and because of that, they're happy. Unconditionally so. But naturally, as is the story of my life, nothing is as it seems. Anyone that talks to me, and who I confide in, knows what happened later that night, and some of you may not see it as a big deal, but it's the principal of what happened, that hurt the most, and made it into something far larger than what it really was. The fact that I was being so optimistic, and feeling positive that the new year would be a great one, and while still in that frame of mind, to have what happened, happen, unexpectedly, from someone I trusted, and even respected to a certain extent, when he knew how much it'd hurt the woman he supposedly loves. The mother of his child. The one person I am closest to in the world. But he didn't think about that. My point is, I hate feeling good about something, then having it blow up in your face. o_O I was excited for this year, because 2009 was fucking shitty, and I thought that maybe, juuuust maybe, 2010 would be better, and bring new and better things. But nothing ever goes as one hopes. Buuuut, on a still positive note, what ever may happen this year, happens, and I'm going to keep telling myself that this year, no matter what, is still going to be better than last year, because really, how bad can life get? V_V The weathers finally getting warmer, the snows melting, and things are looking up... So in the end, maybe this year can still be good, sure it wont be the same with certain people....But people come into your life just to leave, and who needs assheads in their lives anyway?
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